Higher Education in America, an Indian Religion
Well, its been two and a half years of observing and now I am ready with the report.
A strange religion has emerged in both urban and rural families in India over the last two decades or so, called "Higher-Education in America". According to this religion, each family has to offer atleast one offspring to the Gods of higher education, The American Universities. I have seen devout followers of this religion preaching to non-believers how this religion changed their lives and will change the lives of their future generations and have also seen the miracle of non-believers turning into devotees overnight. The aura that the devotees emit is purely of the divine nature.
This religion, like many others has, a fixed number of steps to attain nirvana. I have tried to condense these steps into words meaningful to both who have and haven't seen the light of this religion. They are as follows :
1.) As the child finishes undergraduate education, they are sent to local Temples , i.e. GRE & TOEFL training centers. Here the child studies and learns the many ways of the religion under the guidance of local priests. The holy book of rules, and wisdom is called the Baron's. There are many other interpretations or condensed versions of this book but the religion revolves around this book alone.
2.) Once the child has read the book and is confident enough that his/her faith is strong enough, they take two major tests of faith namely GRE and TOEFL. These tests challenge the aspirants faith and knowledge of the religion in all aspects possible. Once the child clears these tests, he/she is assessed on a scale and the strength of their faith is calculated.
3.) Depending on how strong the aspirant's faith is, a list of the higher temples of this religion in the holy land of America , for which the devotee is suitable for, is prepared. The devotee, has to then request these temples to give him/her a place amongst them so that he/she can attain nirvana.
4.) Based on the strength of faith, and the requests, the temples of Gods who are pleased send the devotee invitations to join the temple.
5.) These invitations are taken to the gatekeepers of the holy land who assess the devotee once again on various aspects and once satisfied, grant permission to the holy land. this stage is considered to be one of the toughest and these gatekeepers speak the holy language and expect the devotee to have a minimum understanding so as to answer their questions. Some of these gatekeepers are so strict that they are popular around the country.
6.) Now the child reaches the holy land and joins the temple. At the temple, they learn that tere are many ways to reach nirvana (i.e. Electrical, mechanical, chemical, computer science). One way, which is also the most popular, is through computers. Struggling for two years, the child is taught to toil and earn their own food, driving, behaving in a neanderthal way at gatherings, and attempting at speaking the holy tongue. The male devotees are also exposed to temples of goddesses where they can offer their hard earned living and are enlightened towards being men.
After following these steps, any human being can attain nirvana in this religion. Psychologically, this religion has a lot to offer, e.g. the gatekeepers teach the devotees how to handle rejections in life, the temples of goddesses hold your hands and take you through the doorway to maturity, the local temples ease the journey by negotiating with the Gods and teaching you that you cant handle everything by yourself.
From being a non-believer to believer and back has been a journey full of torment, accomplishments and more torments with a few girls thrown here and there for me. For those who havent seen the light of this religion, my advice is that sooner or later you are going to be pulled in by the divine beauty of this religion, so why not take the plunge today and learn the truth rather than being preached into it and learning the hard way?
Jai USA! Jai Bharat! Jai MS!
A strange religion has emerged in both urban and rural families in India over the last two decades or so, called "Higher-Education in America". According to this religion, each family has to offer atleast one offspring to the Gods of higher education, The American Universities. I have seen devout followers of this religion preaching to non-believers how this religion changed their lives and will change the lives of their future generations and have also seen the miracle of non-believers turning into devotees overnight. The aura that the devotees emit is purely of the divine nature.
This religion, like many others has, a fixed number of steps to attain nirvana. I have tried to condense these steps into words meaningful to both who have and haven't seen the light of this religion. They are as follows :
1.) As the child finishes undergraduate education, they are sent to local Temples , i.e. GRE & TOEFL training centers. Here the child studies and learns the many ways of the religion under the guidance of local priests. The holy book of rules, and wisdom is called the Baron's. There are many other interpretations or condensed versions of this book but the religion revolves around this book alone.
2.) Once the child has read the book and is confident enough that his/her faith is strong enough, they take two major tests of faith namely GRE and TOEFL. These tests challenge the aspirants faith and knowledge of the religion in all aspects possible. Once the child clears these tests, he/she is assessed on a scale and the strength of their faith is calculated.
3.) Depending on how strong the aspirant's faith is, a list of the higher temples of this religion in the holy land of America , for which the devotee is suitable for, is prepared. The devotee, has to then request these temples to give him/her a place amongst them so that he/she can attain nirvana.
4.) Based on the strength of faith, and the requests, the temples of Gods who are pleased send the devotee invitations to join the temple.
5.) These invitations are taken to the gatekeepers of the holy land who assess the devotee once again on various aspects and once satisfied, grant permission to the holy land. this stage is considered to be one of the toughest and these gatekeepers speak the holy language and expect the devotee to have a minimum understanding so as to answer their questions. Some of these gatekeepers are so strict that they are popular around the country.
6.) Now the child reaches the holy land and joins the temple. At the temple, they learn that tere are many ways to reach nirvana (i.e. Electrical, mechanical, chemical, computer science). One way, which is also the most popular, is through computers. Struggling for two years, the child is taught to toil and earn their own food, driving, behaving in a neanderthal way at gatherings, and attempting at speaking the holy tongue. The male devotees are also exposed to temples of goddesses where they can offer their hard earned living and are enlightened towards being men.
After following these steps, any human being can attain nirvana in this religion. Psychologically, this religion has a lot to offer, e.g. the gatekeepers teach the devotees how to handle rejections in life, the temples of goddesses hold your hands and take you through the doorway to maturity, the local temples ease the journey by negotiating with the Gods and teaching you that you cant handle everything by yourself.
From being a non-believer to believer and back has been a journey full of torment, accomplishments and more torments with a few girls thrown here and there for me. For those who havent seen the light of this religion, my advice is that sooner or later you are going to be pulled in by the divine beauty of this religion, so why not take the plunge today and learn the truth rather than being preached into it and learning the hard way?
Jai USA! Jai Bharat! Jai MS!
Labels: America, education, GRE, higher, India, masters, religion, TOEFL
posted by CrYoPyRe at 10:44 PM
2 Comments:
I loved reading your post!! awaiting more such hilarious ones :)
found ya!!!
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